Poll Americans have very different definitions of sexual harassment at work

Poll Americans have very different definitions of sexual harassment at workPoll Americans have very different definitions of sexual harassment at workFollowing the allegations of sexual harassment and assault from Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein, the topic of workplace harassment has jumped into mainstream conversation, prompting victims to come forward and men in power to lose their jobs as a result. But just because many of us are talking about sexual harassment now doesnt mean that we are talking about the same thing.According to a new poll from Reuters/Ipsos, Americans hold startling differences of opinion about what exactly constitutes sexual harassment.Broad agreement that intentional groping is bad, differences about nonconsensual huggingIn the Reuters/Ipsos poll of 3,000 adult Americans this December, the majority of respondents agreed that intentional groping or kissing without your consent was sexual harassment.But Americans were sharply divided as to whether other form s of nonconsensual touch should cause a menschenwrdig resources complaint.Forty four percent of respondents said that hugging someone without their consent was sexual harassment, but forty percent said it was not. This finding suggests that nearly half of us are going to work thinking that unwanted, forced hugs could be in the realm of appropriate workplace behavior.Dirty jokes and unwanted compliments about your appearance were also seen as murky areas of workplace harassment for almost half of participants, with 44% of adults saying that dirty jokes werent a form of sexual harassment and 47% saying that your coworkers unwanted commentary about your body didnt necessarily equal sexual harassment.Gender, race, and generational differencesThe definition of harassment also varied across gender, race, and generational lines. Nineteen percentof men said that touching someone intentionally without their consent was not sexual harassment only 11% of women said the same.While more than hal f of people of color agreed that an unwanted hug was sexual harassment, only 39% of white people reported the same sentiment.Attitudes about harassment also shifted across generations. Sending a pornographic picture to someone without their consent was overwhelmingly considered sexual harassment by Baby Boomers and Gen-Xers, while millennials were the demographic least likely to call it sexual harassment.What employers need to doThis research shows us that our coworkers may hold widely differing beliefs about appropriate workplace behavior. Is an unwanted hug actually sexual harassment? The law is broad here. TheU.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, which federally enforces workplace discrimination, explicitly defines sexual harassment as unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical harassment of a sexual nature.When employees differ and laws lack clarity, its up to employers be the referee with explicit guidelines and standards about h ow employees can interact with one another.Suzanne Goldberg, director of the Center for Gender and Sexuality Law at Columbia Law School told Reuters that the onus is on employers to tischset the tone even if the co-workers dont object or go to management to complain.To make the workplace a safe environment for every employee, in other words, employers need to be proactive with over-communicating what employees can and cannot do.

Yes, you can recover from depression. I know because I did

Yes, you can recover from depression. I know because I didYes, you can recover from depression. I know because I didFor about 10 years following my initialdiagnosis of depression, I was mired in a cycle of sadness and the unbridled, reckless actions that helped me cope with what I was feeling.Some of my impulsive tendencies could be blamed on my young age (I was 13 when I was first diagnosed), but I learned the hard way that the habits you develop early- especially the ones disguised as coping mechanisms- can easily become perennial. For years, I felt like my mental illness and my identity were one in the same, that aelendher person couldntreallyknowme unless they knew about the things I was going through, or had been through. If you asked 20-year-old me to tell you about who I was, my mental illness would be at the forefront of my answer. But today, at 26, my answer is different.Whilemy past experiences inform my perspective on the world, I amnotdepressed. And saying so is a radical act, because for a decade, I wasnt sure if those words would ever be true. The idea of fully recovering from mental illness is one we dont hear about often, but its one thats deeply important to discuss.Part of recovering from a mental illness is learning to understand what it is, and Ive come to understand that my depression was a lot like a physical illness, like having a cold. When you have a cold, there are symptoms- a runny nose, lethargy, sometimes a fever. Healthy bodies are able to fight off the cold with some rest and TLC, but there are other bodies that for whatever reason are unable to get better without mora help. Their symptoms may take on a life of their own, and in extreme cases, can become dire.I was the body incapable of fighting off the cold, the body that struggled to cope with what life threw at her. So as a means of staying afloat, I developed symptoms - like self-harming in high school and an eating disorder in college- that temporarily anesthetized my pain. Without them, Id be left alone to confront the roots of my depression, which was a more frightening and difficult prospect than dealing with the behaviors layered on top of it. But eventually (and if were being honest, only after something deeply important was taken from me), I found the mindset required to heal.My grandmother had always dreamed of taking me to Paris. We finally booked the trip for April of my sophomore year of college, but April came, and the doctor who was treating me for bulimia recommended that we cancel because it would be too dangerous for me to go. Having to cancel our trip broke my grandmothers heart. And it was grueling for me to see how my illness was affecting the people I love. The silver lining is that I realized I wanted to value my life and the lives of the people I cared about. And doing so meant I needed to get my actions under control.With the help of my therapist, I regained control of how I responded to my feelings. This was a key revelation for me - the notion that Id never be able to control my feelings, but I could control how I responded to and worked through them. I started to take my medication consistently (this may seem obvious, but when I was depressed, I tried to sabotage myself by skipping days of my meds, which I never really saw as self-sabotage until my therapist said to me, You dont skip days of your birth control, do you?). I went to therapy four times a week for three years, without exception. If I had to miss a session one week, Id make it up the next, meaning there were some weeks where Id go to therapy literally every day. Being committed to my healing meant having to make incredibly hard and confusing choices, ones that felt selfishandselfless simultaneously, like the summer I chose to stay in Ann Arbor by myself instead of going home to my family in Boston so that I could continue my treatment. It meant having to talk about things that made me cry, like my relationship with my dad, or talking about thi ngs that made me feel uncomfortable, like sleeping with someone I shouldnt have.But in doing those things, in taking my recovery seriously and putting it above all else, Ihealed.And because I know firsthand what an accomplishment it is to commit to and then maintain recovery, I cant help but notice the lack of coverage about people whothrive after getting help for a mental illness.In a recentarticleinPerspectives on Psychological Science, psychologists at University of South Florida and George Mason University write about the curious neglect of high functioning after psychopathology- specifically, depression. For all the existing research on depression, theres not much out there about how common it is to thrive after treatment. Although researchers sometimes follow people through their recovery, the authors note that its often only for a short while. We know little about what happens next, particularly to those with who have a sustained recovery that is accompanied by good functioni ng, they write.I agree. And I strongly believe that if those who are in a position to talk about mental health (doctors, psychologists, publishers, celebrities or regular individuals with personal experiences to share) were to talk about how they sustained recovery, it could be the impetus that gets people to commit to their own. If stories of healing were shared more often and in more detail, those suffering would know its possible to recover, while also having realistic expectations of what it may take to get there.Today, Ive been off my medication for two years and havent been to therapy in three, though Ive been considering going back- not because I needit, but because I miss the aspect of self-discovery. And I celebrate my happiness often, as I believe I should. I celebrate with loved ones when they tell me how proud they are of me and how wonderful I look (like many others with mental illness, mine was visible and worn all over my body). And then there are the subtle, more pri vate celebrations, where Im alone or resting with my partner and my happiness moves me to tears. These are tears of astonishment that I actuallylive the life I live that I havent missed an obligation or a deadline since college (Id oversleep and miss classallthe time), that when I start to encounter what would have previously been intolerable feelings, I tolerate them, without harming myself that Ive found a partner who cares for me as much as Ive learned to care for myself- one who doesnt try to fix me, but to better understand me. I cry because for years, I never thought Id experience anything close to what I do now.If youre reading this, wondering like I once did if your life is ever going to get better, I want you to know that it can. Its not the same for everyone. Healing is a process, sometimes a lifelong one. Your healing may feel uncomfortable and inconvenient and at times unbearable, but I want you to know its worth it. Put in the work. Because you, like me, may land at a p lace where you feel healed. Where you cry happy tears about the way you feel right now, and what you feel is glorious.This article first appeared on Thrive Global.

Youre invited! Great. Now what Dealing with summer soirees

Youre invited Great. Now what Dealing with summer soireesYoure invited Great. Now what Dealing with summer soireesWork, weddings, barbecues and other summer soirees the invitations seem to come in fast and furious this time of year. So, do you have to attend just because youre invited? And more than that, do you have to bring a gesundheitsgefhrdender stoff or give a speech? And while were at it, when can you beg off?Summer is a time to unwind and relax unless every waking free moment is filled with an obligation says Matt Eventoff owner of Princeton Public Speaking. If youre feeling a bit overwhelmed by all the invitations (popularity is such a curse) Eventoff says Everything we do sends a message. Everything.So, the question is - what message are you sending? Its okay to be picky when choosing where to go or what to do, but you dont want to be stand-offish. Its also okay to show up for a short while before begging off. The best plan though is to have a plan and stick to it so you l ook thoughtful and not flaky.Bring a gift or make a donationThe reason work darbietungs - even weddings or birthday celebrations - can feel so tricky is because youre socializing, but as your work persona. Eventoff says If you are personally invited and cant attend, sending a gift certainly sends a positive message.You can also go the safe route and donate to a cause they believe in or have tried to raise money for in the past. Making a donation in someones name is always appreciated, sends a great message, and most importantly helps a cause that helps many others (and has the side effect of making the person who donates feel great) said Eventoff.But if you dont know the persons preferences or politics, take care when choosing a cause to donate to, you dont want to offend the guest of honor by donating to something they despise or dont believe in.Just say noIf you cant go, its really okay, just dont pretend otherwise. For anyone that has ever hosted an event, the unpredictable sur prise - I said I would be there and now I wont be Can cause a lot of stress for the host, says Eventoff. At the same time, many people feel uncomfortable or awkward responding no, or think there is a chance they will go so they just respond yes. As a host, I am appreciative of a prompt not attending - it makes life easier as it eliminates the guessing game and the inability to prepare properly.Dont go under duressIf you really dont want to go, just stay home. Everyone knows if youre suffering and it doesnt endear you to your hosts or fellow guests. As Eventoff reminds us, It is often better not to attend than to attend begrudgingly and not send the warmest signals to everyone else in attendance.It is often apparent to tell when someone is at an event strictly out of feeling obligated to attend - it shows in nonverbal communication (as well as verbal - tone, etc.).Offer to co-host or helpIf you really are an awful guest, consider offering to help platzdeckchen up or greet guests or otherwise prove yourself invaluable. And dont worry about being perceived as pushy, unless theyre a socialite cum professional party planner on par with Pippa Middleton, chances are good they can always use an extra set of hands.If its a close colleague, team member or client, reframing the invitation as an opportunity to support the host rather than as an obligation or burden can change how to approach the situation, says Eventoff.Accept graciously and tell them from the onset that youre happy to help with anything from unruly guests to making sure everyone has a drink.Dont reciprocate unless you can afford to or really want toJust because your boss invited everyone to a backyard barbecue at her swanky Hamptons cottage doesnt mean you have to even remotely try to do the same. Even if your salary matched, youre not trying to top anyone. Not everyone is a born host or entertainer and trying to force yourself to be the host with the most when youre a couch potato only ensures every one on the guest list will be miserable.One last thing If youre the host, be mindful of your guest list. Monica Lewinsky was recently disinvited from an event because Bill Clinton accepted an invitation. If you think your guests wont play nice together, cull the list in advance so you dont end up looking rude and clueless.